First, I am posting the written part of my assignment here. Following this, I am re-printing the thank you notes that I sent out. Contact me if you would like to receive the massage that I am describing.
From Wednesday 8/29/2012 through Monday 9/3, I received touch during five erotic massage dances from five different men. I noticed that each experience was better than the last, and each was different. I attribute the improvement to learning to surrender more completely to the pleasure and letting go of my rational thoughts.
At first, the breathing patterns and movements seemed so practiced and non-spontaneous. But the last day, they were completely natural. At first, I would be distracted by thoughts. Later, I was able to let go of my thoughts and experience a dynamic erotic ecstatic meditation.
What happened in my body? Energy flowed. Everything tingled. At times, I was too ecstatic to think, and I felt peace. At least once, I felt like I had a five minute orgasm, but never ejaculated. At first it was not easy to remain conscious and dance, but it became effortless. I suspect I will need to continue this practice in order to remain open.
I've never done anything like this before. I discovered that I am part of an erotic community. I reached out to my brothers and they selflessly came to my aid. I have been overwhelmed by Body Electric intensives where a week of intimate contact forms a heart centered community. Now I find that I live in such a community. This is new to me.
In time, I hope to facilitate others in my community to experience this dance. This assignment gives you permission to make noise and dance by making it a requirement. I'm convinced that I moved in ways that were more natural. We are taught to be quiet during sex, if we have sex at all. Break free of the fear of looking foolish during this exercise by making noise and moving your body with abandon. Embarrassment and shame fall away as you embrace the ecstasy. Surrendering to the ecstasy takes you beyond thought into the present moment.
Thank you for helping me with my homework last night. I appreciate your willingness to be of service and my willingness to be vulnerable. In my first experiment, I learned a new “pleasure spot” which lies on my scrotum. I knew how pleasurable it is to play with my balls, but this was different – having a very erotic feel. I have learned through my studies that scrotal tissue is analogous to the female labia and that this is very sensitive in the female anatomy. This leads me to believe that the erotic sensation I experienced were very feminine.
I also have a new perspective on the assignment. While the instructions seem very mechanical, I can see the ultimate goal is complete abandon. I am learning a new behavior which is somewhat awkward and forced, but it will be second nature soon.
Last, I recognize my self consciousness regarding having an erection. I love my erection and am concerned that if I lose my erection, then my partner will feel hurt. I've noticed this in 3 Circles during my own touch. I feel the need to have an erection. I became self conscious if it isn't there. I know that my concern is my issue and that I don't have to project it on others. For now, I'm satisfied being aware of it.
Thanks again for working with me. I look forward to teaching this type of erotic dance to others and hope you will allow me to show you what I've learned.
Thanks for your touch last night. It means a lot to me that you made yourself of service to me. I feel fortunate to have men like you in my life.
I feel that I was able to build on my experience from the previous night. I was much less bothered when I didn't have an erection, and I was more easily able to let myself embrace a sense of erotic abandon.
What was new for me this time was recognizing how this could be a style of meditation. Even when perceiving touch and breathing and moving, I found thoughts come up. They were things like remembering I forgot to have water available, wondering if you were keeping track of the time, being concerned about your back... I was mostly able to bring my attention back to my genitals and breathing and movement. I think that chasing the thoughts away is the ultimate goal of this exercise.
You asked if there was something I could wear to work to help me connect with my authentic self. I like to wear sexy underwear or my necklace, or pantyhose, or fishnet stockings. It's been a while, though. I'm thinking I want to find out how to integrate these aspects. I imaging being a conspirator. Maybe the real question is how to remain open-hearted at work. That's what I really love with the intensives. How can I communicate that I'm a sexy beast under the radar?
I hope you'll consider being available for my next assignment when I massage a man who is doing erotic massage dancing. I hope to encourage the different styles of breathing and movement and helping him keep his attention on his body in the present moment.
Thank you for helping me with my homework last night. I appreciate that you made yourself available and present for me.
I feel like my experiences the preceding two nights helped me prime for our time together. I have been able to progressively become more able to express and embody the pleasure I was experiencing. I was able to focus more on allowing my body to naturally respond to the pleasure I was feeling. I was able to release thoughts as they arose. I was able to enjoy my penis both when it was flaccid and when it was erect.
You seemed to be so intuitive about how to touch me. You weren't afraid to take me to my limits in the pleasure that I could endure without ejaculating. You helped me go higher than I have in the past. It was like S&M in that I was able to go further by accepting or going into the sensation. I would like to continue pushing that edge, especially since it is so physically demanding. It was wonderful.
Normally, I would have savored the experience without touch, but I especially loved the slow gentle caresses on my cock at the end. It was so sweet and delicious. Without the frenetic building of energy, the strokes on my cock were like the strumming of a harp. So peaceful and gentle as well as electric.
Thank you for our time together.
Thank you for your attentive touch. I would not have thought to have a movie night if not for your interest in my assignment. I appreciate your willingness to participate.
Each of my experiences has been different. Each of the men who have touched me has his own style and expectations. I have been the common denominator, but I have grown and learned from each experience – learning to more fully abandon myself to pleasure. This really is a practice. After such a brief time, my experience has deepened. I could only imagine what we could discover if we continued exploring, opening, and going deeper.
Something special happened during my time with you. I was able to more easily enter into the erotic meditation and let go of my distracting thoughts. I believe that had to do with my growth this week. Being free, I invited the idea of allowing my consciousness to contain both of us. I was the temple, and me, and you, and your touch. I suspect you picked up on that as you began mirroring my breath. In other circumstances, I would have found that to be distracting, but it fed into my sense of our oneness. We were one breath together.
I began to sense that watching my arousal aroused you. This allowed me to feel free to express my pleasure more freely, knowing that this pleased you and raised your energy. And then I began to feel such pleasure even though you were not focused on my penis.
While you pulled my balls and touched my pubic bone and vibrated my genitals – the erotic orgasmic waters washed over me. I had never ending cascades of pleasure throughout my body. I went deeply since there was no risk of ejaculation. I was in ecstasy for a long while. I continued to twitch with every touch.
Thank you for loving me and letting me love you.
Thank you for helping me with my homework. I wanted you to be the finale for this series of exercises. I'm glad I did.
I've been more able to let myself go with each erotic massage dance. The breathing and movement that I thought so much about earlier is more spontaneous. You quickly took me to a feeling of ecstasy for the whole massage. I especially enjoyed being touched by you because I always feel aroused by you. The thought of you touching me is always exciting. Plus you know how to touch me like no one else on Earth.
I made more sound with you than with anyone else. My erotic energy is flowing so easily right now. I love you so much. I love that we give each other freedom, and that freedom leads us back to each other. I'm glad you let me into your life. I love that seeing me in ecstasy made you feel aroused. That fed me spiritually, because I felt more connected with you.
Thank you for letting me look into your eyes as I ejaculated. I love that type of vulnerability. It let me feel an emotional romantic connection with you. To be seen when I ejaculate, to see someone looking deeply into my eyes and smile as I cross the threshold into full release is probably the most intimate and loving thing I can experience. I love that you know what I wanted and needed.