First, I am posting the written part of my assignment here. Following this, I am re-printing the thank you notes that I sent out. Contact me if you would like to receive the massage that I am describing.
Assignment 5:
From Wednesday 8/29/2012 through Monday
9/3, I received touch during five erotic massage dances from five
different men. I noticed that each experience was better than the
last, and each was different. I attribute the improvement to learning
to surrender more completely to the pleasure and letting go of my
rational thoughts.
At first, the breathing patterns and
movements seemed so practiced and non-spontaneous. But the last day,
they were completely natural. At first, I would be distracted by
thoughts. Later, I was able to let go of my thoughts and experience a
dynamic erotic ecstatic meditation.
What happened in my body? Energy
flowed. Everything tingled. At times, I was too ecstatic to think,
and I felt peace. At least once, I felt like I had a five minute
orgasm, but never ejaculated. At first it was not easy to remain
conscious and dance, but it became effortless. I suspect I will need
to continue this practice in order to remain open.
I've never done anything like this
before. I discovered that I am part of an erotic community. I reached
out to my brothers and they selflessly came to my aid. I have been
overwhelmed by Body Electric intensives where a week of intimate
contact forms a heart centered community. Now I find that I live in
such a community. This is new to me.
In time, I hope to facilitate others in
my community to experience this dance. This assignment gives you
permission to make noise and dance by making it a requirement. I'm
convinced that I moved in ways that were more natural. We are taught
to be quiet during sex, if we have sex at all. Break free of the fear
of looking foolish during this exercise by making noise and moving
your body with abandon. Embarrassment and shame fall away as you
embrace the ecstasy. Surrendering to the ecstasy takes you beyond
thought into the present moment.
First Day:
Hi AAA,
Thank you for helping me with my
homework last night. I appreciate your willingness to be of service
and my willingness to be vulnerable. In my first experiment, I
learned a new “pleasure spot” which lies on my scrotum. I knew
how pleasurable it is to play with my balls, but this was different –
having a very erotic feel. I have learned through my studies that
scrotal tissue is analogous to the female labia and that this is very
sensitive in the female anatomy. This leads me to believe that the
erotic sensation I experienced were very feminine.
I also have a new perspective on the
assignment. While the instructions seem very mechanical, I can see
the ultimate goal is complete abandon. I am learning a new behavior
which is somewhat awkward and forced, but it will be second nature
soon.
Last, I recognize my self consciousness
regarding having an erection. I love my erection and am concerned
that if I lose my erection, then my partner will feel hurt. I've
noticed this in 3 Circles during my own touch. I feel the need to
have an erection. I became self conscious if it isn't there. I know
that my concern is my issue and that I don't have to project it on
others. For now, I'm satisfied being aware of it.
Thanks again for working with me. I
look forward to teaching this type of erotic dance to others and hope
you will allow me to show you what I've learned.
Second Day:
Hi BBB,
Thanks for your touch last night. It
means a lot to me that you made yourself of service to me. I feel
fortunate to have men like you in my life.
I feel that I was able to build on my
experience from the previous night. I was much less bothered when I
didn't have an erection, and I was more easily able to let myself
embrace a sense of erotic abandon.
What was new for me this time was
recognizing how this could be a style of meditation. Even when
perceiving touch and breathing and moving, I found thoughts come up.
They were things like remembering I forgot to have water available,
wondering if you were keeping track of the time, being concerned
about your back... I was mostly able to bring my attention back to my
genitals and breathing and movement. I think that chasing the
thoughts away is the ultimate goal of this exercise.
You asked if there was something I
could wear to work to help me connect with my authentic self. I like
to wear sexy underwear or my necklace, or pantyhose, or fishnet
stockings. It's been a while, though. I'm thinking I want to find out
how to integrate these aspects. I imaging being a conspirator. Maybe
the real question is how to remain open-hearted at work. That's what
I really love with the intensives. How can I communicate that I'm a
sexy beast under the radar?
I hope you'll consider being available
for my next assignment when I massage a man who is doing erotic
massage dancing. I hope to encourage the different styles of
breathing and movement and helping him keep his attention on his body
in the present moment.
Third Day:
Hi CCC,
Thank you for helping me with my
homework last night. I appreciate that you made yourself available
and present for me.
I feel like my experiences the
preceding two nights helped me prime for our time together. I have
been able to progressively become more able to express and embody the
pleasure I was experiencing. I was able to focus more on allowing my
body to naturally respond to the pleasure I was feeling. I was able
to release thoughts as they arose. I was able to enjoy my penis both
when it was flaccid and when it was erect.
You seemed to be so intuitive about how
to touch me. You weren't afraid to take me to my limits in the
pleasure that I could endure without ejaculating. You helped me go
higher than I have in the past. It was like S&M in that I was
able to go further by accepting or going into the sensation. I would
like to continue pushing that edge, especially since it is so
physically demanding. It was wonderful.
Normally, I would have savored the
experience without touch, but I especially loved the slow gentle
caresses on my cock at the end. It was so sweet and delicious.
Without the frenetic building of energy, the strokes on my cock were
like the strumming of a harp. So peaceful and gentle as well as
electric.
Thank you for our time together.
Fourth Day:
Hi DDD,
Thank you for your attentive touch. I
would not have thought to have a movie night if not for your interest
in my assignment. I appreciate your willingness to participate.
Each of my experiences has been
different. Each of the men who have touched me has his own style and
expectations. I have been the common denominator, but I have grown
and learned from each experience – learning to more fully abandon
myself to pleasure. This really is a practice. After such a brief
time, my experience has deepened. I could only imagine what we could
discover if we continued exploring, opening, and going deeper.
Something special happened during my
time with you. I was able to more easily enter into the erotic
meditation and let go of my distracting thoughts. I believe that had
to do with my growth this week. Being free, I invited the idea of
allowing my consciousness to contain both of us. I was the temple,
and me, and you, and your touch. I suspect you picked up on that as
you began mirroring my breath. In other circumstances, I would have
found that to be distracting, but it fed into my sense of our
oneness. We were one breath together.
I began to sense that watching my
arousal aroused you. This allowed me to feel free to express my
pleasure more freely, knowing that this pleased you and raised your
energy. And then I began to feel such pleasure even though you were
not focused on my penis.
While you pulled my balls and touched
my pubic bone and vibrated my genitals – the erotic orgasmic waters
washed over me. I had never ending cascades of pleasure throughout my
body. I went deeply since there was no risk of ejaculation. I was in
ecstasy for a long while. I continued to twitch with every touch.
Thank you for loving me and letting me
love you.
Fifth Day:
Dear EEE,
Thank you for helping me with my
homework. I wanted you to be the finale for this series of exercises.
I'm glad I did.
I've been more able to let myself go
with each erotic massage dance. The breathing and movement that I
thought so much about earlier is more spontaneous. You quickly took
me to a feeling of ecstasy for the whole massage. I especially
enjoyed being touched by you because I always feel aroused by you.
The thought of you touching me is always exciting. Plus you know how
to touch me like no one else on Earth.
I made more sound with you than with
anyone else. My erotic energy is flowing so easily right now. I love
you so much. I love that we give each other freedom, and that freedom
leads us back to each other. I'm glad you let me into your life. I
love that seeing me in ecstasy made you feel aroused. That fed me
spiritually, because I felt more connected with you.
Thank you for letting me look into your
eyes as I ejaculated. I love that type of vulnerability. It let me
feel an emotional romantic connection with you. To be seen when I
ejaculate, to see someone looking deeply into my eyes and smile as I
cross the threshold into full release is probably the most intimate
and loving thing I can experience. I love that you know what I wanted
and needed.