Wednesday, December 30, 2020

New Objectives

 As within, so without. As always, As above, so below.

There are things happening in the world that trouble me. Maybe the answer is to find peace in meditation. But maybe it also indicates where I need to see better, where I contribute to it, where I need to grow. I need a way to see where I fit.

There are also things in my personal life that ares sticking points for me.

  • Wanting to clean up an simplify so that closing it out won't be difficult when I transition
  • My list of “to do” work

I've been off work for a week and a half, and I haven't moved forward. It's time to wake up. Hindsight is literally 2020.

  • I am worried about
    • climate change
    • social injustice
  • Growing up on Star Trek, I am afraid that
    • our species will fail while destroying the ecosystem of the planet
    • people are not acting rationally
  • We fail each other and penalize our attempts to survive
    • emotionally
    • physically
  • I want to do sex work in peace
  • I want to be man and animal
  • I want physicality and spirituality to co-exist
  • I'm tired of the lack of common sense and self-enrichment

Saturday, April 4, 2020

Managing Risk

I want to talk about probability and statistics. First, there is a non-zero chance you will catch the corona virus. No matter what you do, the chance will never be zero. That doesn't mean you will catch it, but to get to zero, you would have need to be in your bunker back in December – January at the latest.

Second, you don't have to make the chance drop to zero and that's OK. There's a good chance your symptoms would be mild if you catch it at all. The odds are in your favor. If you're isolating, it's unlikely you will catch it and if you do a good chance the symptoms will be tolerable. There's a larger chance you will die in a car crash than in an airplane crash,but we don't fly everywhere.

There's a good amount of panic and irrational fear of covid 19. Right now, that's working in our favor by making us be more diligent about stopping it's spread. The problem is, you don't have to fear it because of what I've said above. The problem is that there are so many people in this country that a non-zero chance of spreading it plus a non-zero chance of it being severe means it will impact a non-zero number of people, and it will probably be a large number. Even though it isn't likely to harm you or any one person in particular.

And this is where empathy comes in. Because the symptoms are so mild, there are larger and larger numbers of people spreading the virus who don't know they're spreading it. Instead of one Typhoid Mary, there are hundreds or thousands of Typhoid Marys (TMs). Unfortunately, some of those (TMs) are of the opinion that their individual rights are infringed if they don't go out and live their lives as if there is no pandemic. There's enough disinformation out there that some TMs don't believe it's real, just a liberal conspiracy to harm one particular politician. Some just think it's hype.

So find your middle ground. Don't be a Typhoid Mary. But also don't be a worry wart trying to get the chance of exposure to zero. You  only have to reduce the probability. You can get to almost zero just by washing your hands, avoiding touching your face, keeping physical distances, steering clear of crowds, and stay at home as much as possible. If it makes you feel safer to wear a mask, then go ahead. It may not help, but it probably won't hurt.

But most importantly, don't go back to your regular activities as soon as things start to look better. That could start the whole cycle over again. I'd wait for the hospitals to recover and/or there's a vaccine. The latter isn't likely until 2021, so do your part in the meantime – confidently.

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Temple Whores

This is a call!

I see a distributed virtual monastery
    • It's mission is to
      • Embrace our erotic bodies
      • Treat others with respect
      • Connect with the divine
      • Heal wounds – erotic and otherwise
    • Instead of nuns, rabbis, priests, imams,... there are Temple Whores
    • It fulfills a modern need for ancient practices: Shamans, medicine people,...
    • It is not tied to a physical structure, although we may manifest that someday
    • We open ourselves to serve men and women to find their divine connection to their bodies
    • We do not fight anything. We support
      • Humanity
      • Inclusion
      • Love

Thursday, July 5, 2018

Independence (and Perversion)

I didn't choose independence as the topic of the day as much as it was presented – the fourth of July.

But first, a word on yesterday's theme of perversity. It didn't go as planned. I wasn't able to play with the man I was hoping to explore with. I put on a pair of stiletto boots and watched video of double penetration of CIS females and did poppers. I accidentally tripped over the edge of ejaculation. I also had a dental appointment and defrosted a deep freezer. Maybe, for me, actual perversion is not being present and letting a busy life keep me from happiness. I came twice and didn't get what I wanted.

Back to independence, Today, this word takes the hue of freedom rather than simply “not dependent.” I am independent in that I don't rely on anyone for money, food, or shelter. My independence doesn't prevent me from sharing that burden.

I am dependent on earning money. Unless you can afford to be a capitalist, so are you. Money keeps most people from being truly independent.

Tuesday, July 3, 2018


People maybe tend to think of a child with limited experience in the world as innocent. They dis-identify as they cannot be innocent because they are not children. They know how the world works. I think differently because adults aren't much different from children except in how we believe we know how the world works – and is that really any different? Children always think they know more than they do, just like adults.

So we are all innocent. We are all children thinking we know more than we we do, or children thinking they are not smart enough to keep up with the “real” adults.

Today, let me express my innocence by being open to direction, to divine inspiration.

During my intensive, I'd like to begin days as I would at an intensive. Journaling, mediation, movement.

There's also an idea that children can remain innocent longer if we don't teach them about sexuality and pleasure. Apparently, erotic pleasure is the opposite of innocence. But children still figure things out through experimentation and hearsay, sometimes with unexpected or tragic results. There's a believe we lose our innocence as we learn about the world. But there's a companion definition of innocence – which is simply “not guilty,” blameless. The two get confused, ignorant and blameless. So if children don't know what causes pregnancy, and they become pregnant, they are blameless, or innocent. I guess. The underlying desire is for them not to think about sex, but that's not how people work.

I am innocent, I am blameless, no matter the depth of my carnal knowledge. Is there a way for a person to lose their innocence? If you do something and then later realize you've hurt someone, you lose some innocence. If you do something you think is right, and realize it's very wrong, innocence suffers.

So always remain teachable. Learn quickly when you've made a mistake to reduce the harm done.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

I Am Loved

I sit in front of this Giant Cock, unashamed of my own touch. My touch draws my life to the surface.
My feet, not supporting me in this instant, are free to relax and receive pleasure.
There is an alter before the cock, my cock. I have offered a daisy, reflecting my own innocent beauty. My heart and cock connected, reach out to the Giant Cock, blessing it, being blessed by it.
This poem, like my heart: Raw, Naked and Sexual.
My cock drips. I am ecstatic.
This is who I am, but I am more. I am more than can be expressed. I am strong. I am weak. I am hard. I am gentle.
I feel the power/pleasure in my cock.
I am not broken. The part that I was told was broken is the most whole part of me.
I am loved. I am hated. I am everything in between.
My hardness has subsided, but it is close at hand. I have consummated my love for myself and given birth to this poem.

Saturday, October 29, 2016

(NSFW) Oral Ecstasy - Fiction

I imagine a hard cock in my mouth. The skin is soft as silk, but it wraps an iron core. My lips on the head of the shaft, sliding down over the head, down the slick shaft until the head touches the back of my throat. He groans in pleasure as I pull my mouth back up so the lips are again resting on the head.

As my mouth again starts back down the shaft of his cock, I wrap my tongue around it, sliding the rough texture of my tongue along his shaft. It doesn't take long before I feel his hips start to sway front-to-back in a slow thrusting motion. I match his frequency. He speeds up a little bit and I keep pace. He never really goes very fast. It doesn't matter. With each thrust of his cock head to the back of my throat, the muscles around his prostate tense and release. This is my objective for getting him to shoot his salty sperm filled semen down my throat. His groans become more rhythmic, his ass contracts, my mouth slides down the shaft and we repeat. I am ecstatic at the pleasure he experiences with me. My cock is throbbing, too.

He keeps pushing in and out of my mouth as I suck in sync with his thrust. His whole body is involved in this rhythm now. It is his frequency. This is the key to pushing him over the edge. With each stroke, his cock goes a little further down my throat. I know he is getting close. I breath deeply between his strokes as I prepare myself for the final thrust. He gets louder and louder before shouting in ecstasy as he grabs my head and shoves his cock deep down my throat until my nose is on his belly. I feel his cock throb as he pours his cum, is sperm, his jizz down my throat and into my belly. His strokes are shorter now as he stays buried deep and feels my throat swallow the last drips of his essence.

My sense of fulfillment goes deep. He pulls out of my throat and mouth, this orifice of ecstatic pleasure. My breath comes forcefully as I quickly return to my normal breathing pattern, his cum an offering to my stomach. I haven't cum yet, but the head of my cock lays in a puddle of my own seminal fluid, my own pre-cum.

He  gets on his knees to join me and hugs me deeply, kissing me, thrusting his tongue in my mouth as he tastes his own nut juices on my tongue. I begin to have an orgasm at the thought. My body shivers, my body tenses. I still don't ejaculate, but the orgasm is deeply fulfilling and powerful. Tomorrow we will reverse the ritual as he tickles the cum out of my prostate.