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Sunday, August 3, 2014

Preparing for In the Garden

Preparing for In the Garden of Life

This is a journal entry from Sunday 6/7/14

The specific healing I am seeking... I feel like there's a block on my ability to relax with other people? I feel uptight. I don't feel comfortable laughing or crying. I don't like how I have to figure out what I feel based on context.

I feel like I have so much healing to be done. I'm afraid of people I don't know. If I am so badly damaged, why can't I figure out what that damage is? Why do I think I'm broken?

This is a journal entry from Monday 6/16/14

I'm mostly prepared for In the Garden of Life. I'm beginning my 4th week at my new job. I'm still trying to integrate. I didn't have enough time when I wasn't working. I have less now. It's more imperative to prioritize and simplify. Unfortunately, I regret the things I don't have time for. I like to move slow.

I don't want to lose this job. There are many good things about the company I like.

I accomplished all the things I intended to this weekend. I feel stable. At one point, I tried to figure what I needed to do next. I stopped myself and allowed myself to relax and appreciate feeling caught up.

It's time to begin building my spiritual practice back into my life.

This is a journal entry from Wednesday 6/18/14

I haven't figured out my new job yet. I'm feeling exhausted at the end of the day. I'm not focused on taking any new tasks yet, but I want to add meditation, orgasmic yoga, exercise, and my Yoga of Sex class. I want to go slow. How do I keep my life simple? Eliminate TV.

This is a journal entry from Tuesday 6/24/14

I'm having a tough time at work. It should be expected. I'm working in a new domain with new tools and technology. I had taken for granted the applications I used to work on which I had worked with for years, so this isn't unusual. Unfortunately, it makes me feel old and slow.

How do I deal with it?

I need to be able to relax while I'm learning. It just gets frustrating, though. On top of that, I add the sensation that if I under-perform, I will be let go.

This is a journal entry from Thursday 6/26/14

In a week, I'll begin an erotically charged deep healing experience. I'm not sure what it will look like. My intention is to come home more free in my day-to-day life. After beginning to read Daring Greatly, I sense that I'm living with plenty of shame, but not with such a clear source. I'm called to be more authentic in all parts of my life, not just where it's safe.

I'm trying to figure out how to live with work. I'm called to work in a mainstream company to support my erotic education and enrich other Sacred Intimates as a client. However, I want to continue the work of my heart. Ideally, that would support me one day. In the meantime, I don't know how to keep work from swallowing all my time and energy. I need more ritual and less TV.

This is a journal entry from Saturday 6/28/14

My dream this morning:

I was heading back to a hotel. Police passed me. I needed to let someone at the hotel. They were after him. In a room on the ground floor of the hotel, I rigged a phone to call him and warn him. They found it and then were after me. I'm out on the tops of grape plants. Then I woke up.

This is a journal entry from Sunday 6/29/14

As I prepare for my week of healing, I'm thinking about my new job. So far, I've had a difficult time trying to get acclimated and settle in. I think about why I have this job and what it offers.

Part of my vision statement is “to grow my prosperity in support of my mission,” which is “to make the world better through understanding and compassion.” I intend to spend my money supporting those who offer the type of sacred practices I wish to offer. I want to support my partner through his life changes.

There's another key part of what I want to offer. I want to help others live more consciously, to live their highest vision. To me, that means incorporating spirituality into their day-to-day lives. In short, my job is my opportunity to practice spiritual principles.