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Tuesday, January 10, 2023

Following Dreams

 I have an untested theory. I'm playing with the idea of doing what I want until I find a job that will let me do what I want. Or at least find a way to earn money doing what I want.

I'm beginning with writing. It actually seems to be helping me sleep better. Maybe I'm moving forward and that gives me some fulfillment. It doesn't really feel like I'm getting stuff out, but that I feel like I'm moving forward again.

I'm convinced that my queer spirit gives me connection with the divine. I've perceived different ways of seeing the world – liberal vs. conservative, community vs. individuality, and the need for balance. And fear based religion.

I'd really like to just have sex for money, but I seem to do better offering more. I often come back to the idea of being able to have sex for money when I was younger. If I had been able to do sex work in college, if it was legal and didn't run the risk of giving me a criminal record, it would have been ideal. I had so much sex at that time without being paid. I learned so much about sex and erotic desire, and how norm it all was. If I had been able to work toward my degree and be able to earn money through sex work in a safe and supported environment, I would have been in heaven.

Monday, January 9, 2023

Religious Fear

 Usually I think of religion as a means to have faith and release fear. I can recognize that evil has no power over me. Identifying as a Christian, I know that I cannot really be harmed, my life is in God's hands. Even if I die, I am safe in His arms. But that's how my faith works.

My perspective is that there are those who claim to be Christian (in fact they claim to be the only “real” Christians) that for some reason need to legally enforce their moral laws on all others of any religion. I can only imagine this is driven from fear. If you truly had Faith, why would you need to enforce it in man's laws. If  you believe you have everlasting lift through the Christ who lives in and through you, what do you have to fear? Even death can't touch you.

Then there is also the idea of the breadth of God's love. You can believe that all people are God's children, regardless of how they identify God. Or you can believe your specific group is the only one that is chosen and everyone else is damned. Maybe you believe you're the only one and you feel  compelled to make other's believe exactly as you do. How crushing is that?

I tend to believe in God who has a broad love. He appears different depending on each one who believes, even to the point that he has many manifestations and can seem to be many gods. I don't need anyone else to believe this. It's not my business how you relate to God. Why do others believe they should be able to dictate my faith?

Having a Christian basis has been a tough slog for me. Who wants to believe that no matter what you do, you'll burn in hell? “Just don't be gay,” is beyond my ability. I can't say I won't burn in a lake of fire for 1000 years, but I can say that God wants what's best for me. So if 1000 years of fire is how I live my best life, I'm OK with that. If everything ends when I die, I'm fine with that. I'm good no matter what because fear has no place in me because of my faith. I live now and want to help others live now. I don't want to punish people with whom I don't agree. I want everyone to live their best life while we live. That does not depend on faith, color, sex, or sexuality. But I will reserve the right to defend myself from unwarranted attacks. I will not live in fear. I want you to also be free of fear.

Monday, January 2, 2023

Liberal / Conservative Divide

 I once fantasized about writing a book to better understand liberal and conservative views – to help those who hold opposing views to work together. Both perspectives are important.

As a basis for political ideology though, it no longer seems practical. They have become polarized. Much of our identity has become differentiating from the opposing political camp. Even those who don't pay attention to politics probably will say “this person is liberal,” or “this person is conservative.” We always see through the lenses of our experience. That seems to supersede politics.

From my perspective, the liberal lens is fundamentally “the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.” Conservatives might consider this a pro-socialism or anti-capitalism. That the way the lens works. Maybe the conservative view is “individual liberty is essential.” My perspective is that it only appears to be true for some, but not others because others can't be trusted. I'm sure if someone was sincerely conservative, they would explain it in a way that I could understand, leaving out where the ideology conflicts with practice. The same could be true of liberal minded people.

Ultimately, we need both perspectives. Individual liberty gives me the ability to support the greater good. Since I don't see individual liberty under threat from liberal leaning people, I don't feel the need to defend it at every turn. But since my perspective of the greater good is important to me, I feel my individual liberty is under threat from those who see their individual liberty under siege. The collective good, or commonwealth, is essential for individual liberty.

If I say “we need to try to keep weapons out of the hands of mass shooters before they go on a rampage” is heard as “I'm coming for your guns,” no matter how hard I try to be clear, what can I do? I just don't want someone to shoot up a school, or a club, or a mall. That's all. The answer shouldn't be to get more guns on the street. The AR-15 is not an effective weapon for hunting. It damages it's target too much. The meat would not be edible. The carcass would not be suitable for taxidermy. The only reason to have one is fear.

Next time (maybe): Religion and Fear