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Saturday, August 4, 2012

Coccygeal Sacred Intimacy

A few weeks ago, I went to see a Sacred Intimate. I had earlier heard him talk about a coccygeal massage that cause some men to have emotional reactions. Since the way to massage the coccygeal muscle is through the anus, I was more than intrigued.

Since he was on the other side of town, I got there early and waited for my appointment. I went in and we talked about what I wanted to experience. I was trying to unleash my emotions. I'm often not aware of having them. I  tend to have to figure out what I”m feeling from the context of my life.

I got up on his table face down so that we could begin with an Esalen style massage which is known for it's long strokes. I particularly liked when he straddled my head to massage my back. I got to feel his balls on the back of my neck and his taint on the back of my head.

He had me roll over and massaged my front. I let myself vocalize the pleasure I was feeling as I surrendered to it. I also began thinking about a story he had recently shared in his blog. It triggered my experience as a child when I was ridiculed for kissing another boy in the first grade.

At some point, he began the coccygeal massage. I don't recall if I was on my knees to begin with, but I remember being on my back. He tied something around my balls and it made me feel bigger. He took his time entering me as I continued relaxing into his delicious touch. I remember feelings of being stretched and of pressure and of feeling full.

I wanted to tell him how I felt I lost a part of myself when I kissed my friend in first grade. I still felt the reflection of his intimate story. He worked on my ass for a while and I was in heaven and full of compassion. Near the end, he allowed me to focus on the touch of my coccygeal nerve. As he shifted his position, he came upon a certain spot and I felt my body fill with warm energy. I felt like giggling. I wished it could last longer, but things came to a close.

When I stood up, I embraced him and told him how I reacted emotionally to his story. How it brought up my pain from the distant past. I cried at both of us having lost part of ourselves long ago and in gratitude that we were reclaiming ourselves. I told him he was loved. I meant it. I still do.

Pics from I Kissed A Boy in First Grade

I read one of my stories at a recent retreat. Here are a few pics of me standing in front of a room full of men naked telling a very vulnerable story. It was very powerful and healing for me to be heard and seen and loved and appreciated.

First Experiment

I am playing with the idea of raising erotic energy and directing it creatively to create my prosperity in a more authentic way so that I don't have to go around for forty hours a week or more pretending that the most favorite part of myself doesn't exist. So I've created this image to use in my temple. It has a picture of me at my day job in one quadrant, and it has a picture of me playing with myself in front of the camera in the opposite quadrant. I want to create a world where both can exist safely and peacefully in harmony.

I then went out and bought an easel pad/flip chart. When I do my orgasmic yoga practice, I can draw on it with magic markers or paint on it. Here's the first outcome
First Artwork

As I was self-pleasuring (masturbating) over the duality picture above and looking at my artwork, I wrote a little note of gratitude to the man in the upper left hand corner. Here's what it says.
Love Letter

I have much more respect and love for that part of myself that supports the flight of my erotic heart. He puts up with dissatisfaction at work so that I can find happiness and love elsewhere. My goal is to find a way for him to not have to fight so hard or to hide himself quite so much.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Midnight Sacrifice

I made a sacrifice at the giant penis in the fire pit at Easton Mountain last Saturday night. I arrived around midnight. It had been raining and the grass was wet and my shoes were soaked. I put down my umbrella and tucked my sarong inside it. I was now naked to the lukewarm moist air.

I began moving around the circle, touching myself. I could hear men's voices in the distance, bu I was alone with the giant charred black wooden lingam. I was raising my erotic energy slowly, feeling the pleasure wash over me. I hoped someone would come out of the shadows o celebrate with me, but this was meant to be a solo endeavor.

My intention was to reconcile how I made a living with my identity as a Sacred Intimate. I wanted to send a packet of energy off o the universe – a seed to return my heart's desire to be authentic in my daily life. I thought about hat as I stroked my cock and fondled my ass cheeks in the jeweled wet grass.

I came close to the giant phallus, sniffing I, touching my forehead to it's head. It was hard and powerful. I imagined sitting on it, even though it was bigger than my whole body.

After thirty or forty minutes, I was getting tired, so I began bringing myself slowly to the point of ejaculation, of orgasm. My cock got harder and harder – impossibly hard as I huddled close to the giant cock in the fire pit. I put the had of my dick close to it and gently took myself to the edge of ejaculation. I release my dick and the first wave of semen gently began pressing out of me – seeking the giant cock. My um oozed out and flowed down it's back.

I then gave myself some more stimulation, gently. This time I didn't let go. The second wave of cum shot out of my dick as my ass had spasms of pleasure. I poured myself on his back. The contractions were so intense after three weeks of building up that they were almost uncomfortable.

I savored the sensation as my body gently found it's equilibrium again. I bowed in deep reference and gratitude in the direction of the phallus. I put my sarong back on and quietly left.