My Story: Part 1
I was not an exhibitionist growing up - maybe I was before I turned
three or four. At some point, I learned to feel shame when I was
naked and avoided it like the plague. At some point, I found an
adult theater in Washington DC that had a back area with some
platforms. I was a horn dog at that time. I ended up sitting on a
man's cock one night and it turned into a doggy style fuck on a
darkly lit platform above an impromptu audience. I loved it and
found that I really liked the other men watching me get fucked. I
felt celebrated for doing what I loved to do.
Over the years, I've had sex with many many men and enjoyed almost
all of them. I learned so many ways to have sex. Everyone is
different, but I tended to follow the lead of the man I was with. I
tend to get off on whatever gets my partner off. It's only recently
that I've seen that as part of my Sacred Intimate identity. It feels
like a gift.
I had toyed with the idea of prostitution when I was in college. I
didn't need the money, but thought it would be fun to get paid for
something that I enjoyed. I didn't do it. Sometime in the last ten
years, I found the term Sacred Intimate. Other terms that mean the
same thing are temple whore or temple prostitute. Apparently in some
Eastern religions, sex is seen as an avenue to enlightenment. I
wonder what my life would be like if I had been able to follow that
I started asking how I could become a Sacred Intimate and someone at
Body Electric gave me the names of some intensives I could take -
Dear Love of Comrades, Healing the Wounded Healer, and Creating Sacred
I've found it very healing and someone at my first intensive saw me
as a healer. I'm convinced much of the misery in the modern world
comes from sexual ignorance and repression. I began a journey to try
to join the sexual and the spiritual.
I had a Christian background growing up that spanned from
Presbyterian to Baptist. I learned fear there, but I never got how
sex was inherently sinful. Sure, I could see bad things like rape
the dishonesty of adultery, but sex itself didn't seem bad to me. It
felt too good to be bad and I saw that Creator God must have made us
able to experience pleasure or we wouldn't.
My spiritual foundation was the twelve step programs of NA and AA
where you could have an understanding of God that worked for you.
From there I got to Unity which teaches that there is only one
presence and power in the universe which is God who is good. God
could also be called Higher Power or Divine Consciousness - not a
personality but maybe life or love itself. My spirituality is very important
to me. Since I am inherently sexual, I needed to find a way to
include it in my spirituality.
I think most people don't like the idea of God being present when
they have sex. I come from the perspective that God is present
everywhere all the time - including in me when I'm taking a fist in
the ass. I believe that God experiences his world through me - so if
I feel pleasure, so does God. I don't feel I have an existence apart
from God. I don't necessarily want to convince other people of my
beliefs, but I do want them to find out how to experience pleasure
without guilt or shame. I don't think guilt and shame are necessary.
Seeing sex as sacred deepens it to unbelievable depths - much more
than just getting off.