"I'm only doing this because I love you"

I've got a new blog post at The Rex Harley Experience:  A New Tool for the New year

During this morning's orgasmic yoga, I found that I wanted to hear that as I was being spanked. I had some strong emotional feelings as I was spanking myself this morning. Spanking myself felt so good an I noticed how happy it made me feel.

When you hear stories told of being spanked when growing up, you hear the spanker saying he's only doing it because he loves you. I was scared of being spanked as a child. My father was very volatile emotionally, but after a certain age, I stopped getting loving messages from him as they were replaced by messages of disappointment. Now, I want to be spanked and to be told that it's for my own good and that he's only doing it because he loves me. I want to be loved hard.

I keep myself under tight emotional control. There are times when I am feeling something strongly and I hold it back and hide it. My father always seemed so angry that I didn't want to be like him. I wanted to be in control of my emotion - like Spock on Star Trek, the opposite of my father. As a result, I lack some passion in my life.

I hope that I can begin to express my emotions more freely. Maybe part of the process will be exploring my feelings as I am being spanked out of love.

What erotic experiences might you explore to release past emotional blocks?

Find other Orgasmic Yoga sessions here.

My First Ejaculation

This is from a journal entry on Saturday October 29, 2011

I have updated my XXX website with some old videos. Hopefully some new videos will be out in the next few months.

During this morning's Orgasmic Yoga practice, at one point I reflected on my first ejaculation. I was sitting on the toilet in the bathroom at my grandmother's house. I had read in a medical encyclopedia or something that masturbation was massage of the genitals. I was using a hand lotion and rubbing my penis like I was giving it a back rub. Nothing spectacular was happening, but it was fun.

Then my hand was wrapped around my dick and I stroked it. For the first time, I felt an electric shiver of pleasure and my cock started getting hard.

I kept stroking and was dumbstruck by the pleasure I was feeling. I had never experienced anything like it and each stroke was ecstasy.

Then the contractions of ejaculation began. Cum was shooting out of my cock for the first time. The powerful contractions were scary at first since they were so alien, but I recognized the white fluid as semen very quickly. I had a big smile on my face as I recognized that I had finally figured out how to jerk of. I could smell the cum. Everything was new. I was scared someone would smell the cum and know what I had done.

No one had told me how to do it. I had never seen any videos. I figured it out on my own. I would have been too embarrassed to ask how my body worked and no one was mature enough in my family to explain it.

At that age, I was not emotionally mature. I knew I would be in trouble if anyone found out I masturbated. As a society, we seem to encourage perpetual immaturity around sex. What if I had been encouraged to explore my body? What if someone had taught me how to give myself pleasure or guided me through my first ejaculation? As it is, my sex life became a separate area – isolated from any human contact. Now I'm trying to be one again. For me, that seems to lie in the direction of making sex a central part of my life and expanding from there. That seems easier than trying to bring sex into the non-sexual or sexually averse areas of life – like work and family. That is the essence of Rex Harley.

How can I encourage a more mature understanding of sex in the broader society? It's time for society to grow up. How do you know when it's the right time to guide a child to his first ejaculation? When he begins trying to understand. If you make it safe to ask about sex, he will ask you when the time is right.

It's not possible to teach sexual responsibility when parents are determined to allow sexual ignorance, so we have more and more unwanted pregnancies. It has to become acceptable for children to ask sexual questions and to be able to give age appropriate answers.

I am a child at play

This is from a journal entry on Saturday 11/5/2011

I'm masturbating as I write this. My cock is hard. I masturbated during my Orgasmic Yoga practice this morning. Now I'm exploring ideas while feeling erotic pleasure.

I think what I teach is sexual innocence. I'm a grown man with a hairy sexy body, but I am still naïve. I am a child at play. My dick feels good as I stroke it. The pleasure rolls across my body. I could cum, but I don't.

How do I teach others the value of play? We take things so seriously. What is the first lesson I will teach?

Maybe I teach like this – touching myself. I feel my heart beat faster. I am excited at the thought. I think people seeing me masturbate might give them permission to join me.

Maybe I should host a masturbate-a-thon, see how long people can last.

I feel my pleasure. There is sensation in the head of my dick. I can feel pressure in my heart. I like to see my thighs and the pubes above my dick. I feel my balls between my legs. I feel heat in my belly. I like the way the pleasure makes my toes curl.

I feel the muscle I use for kegels. It makes me feel like I want to pee. That's part of my pleasure.

I really want to shoot some porn. California. Can that fund my work?

I'm still masturbating 35 minutes after beginning this journal entry. I am motivated to keep working on my Yoga of Sex class – covering masturbation coaching right now. I am really enjoying my dick. My dick.

My dick is a part of me. It usually feels separate, but the pleasure rises to my heart. My dick is an extension of my heart.

I love everybody because everybody is me.

I love being a sexual plaything.

What I Saw

During a recent retreat, we had an assignment to go about the world consciously and make note of the first twelve things we encounter. I posted this to the adult blog because of item eleven. :)

First I saw grass with the seed pod on top - a little brush. Touching it, I caught a web connecting two stalks of grass.

Second, I saw a purple flower - very small - on a bush or tree. Touching it, an ant crawled onto me. I almost blew it off until I chose to let it climb back onto a flower.

Third, I saw a half decayed apple - it smelled sweet and rotting.

Fourth, I noticed the soft dust under the gravel of the drive. It felt wonderful as I dug my toes in.

Fifth, I saw a dragon fly land in the drive. It didn't leave, so I did.

Sixth, I heard the flies in the shade - going who knows where continuously.

Seventh, I heard a rustle overhead and looked up to see a squirrel leaping from branch to branch.

Eighth, I saw three birds glide overhead from one tree to the other. I recognized myself in them.

Then, in a clearing on the drive in the sun overlooking the valley, I pissed down the already golden hillside.

Ninth, I finally took note of the giant redwoods - focusing on one on the way to Julie Andrews Point. I was dwarfed.

Tenth, I saw one of the men’s horses in the pasture. He had been looking for them earlier, but hadn't seen them. Then I saw him watching his horses.

Then I climbed the big tree naked and rested comfortably against the roughness. I massaged the tree with my feet, feeling the soft lichens on the bark, and I smiled. I spit in my hand and gave myself pleasure. The flies came to land on my leg as I worked quietly. I heard the man's horse whinny and the birds in the trees and the bugs and the wind.

Then I saw another who was me. I saw him stroke himself and I felt the pleasure as I mirrored the stroke. I loved seeing him/me pleasuring his/myself. I saw myself in him. I loved the sweetness of his touch on his cock. He deserves the pleasure and it pleases me to see him surrender to it. He's the eleventh self I've seen.

Twelfth, I hear gunshots in the distance and I remember I am a hunter. How can I capture my quarry? But then the hunter captures us and the moment is over. My prey is spooked and has escaped, but I remain - ready to hunt again.

A Flogging Request

I am seeking an encounter with another Sacred Intimate. The following is my request.

My intention is to thoroughly experience sub-space and have my endorphins stimulated. This is my request. It can be adapted to meet your needs as we negotiate. This is an opportunity for you to experience Dom-space as I intend to give my body, mind and heart to you for no more than several hours.

I would like to begin by removing my clothes. I would like you to remain clothed for a while as a symbol of power over me. This will help me establish your power in my mind. As they do in PSI, I would like to be on my knees with my hands behind my back as I rest my head in your crotch. I would like several minutes like this to give myself time to surrender to you and to experience myself submitting thoroughly to your control.

Once that is established. I can either keep my eyes downward or meet your gaze as you see fit. Then I would like to be blindfolded. I would like you to explore my body at this point in any way that you choose. Gentle touch will get my endorphins flowing before the flogging. Then I would like to be positioned to be flogged.

I want you to be comfortable, so be as clothed or not as you like. Don't overheat. Take care of your knees, etc.

I generally like thuddier floggers, but we can explore any kind except single tail. Front or back is fine, chest, back, thighs and butt cheeks are OK. You will need to guide my head back if you work on my chest to avoid hitting my chin.

I would like permission to tell you harder or softer during the first half so that you can become familiar with my limits. Then it would be nice if you could help me stretch those limits. Reassure me and encourage me if I seem uncomfortable. As long as I feel the love in your swings, it will be good. Remind me to surrender and go into the sensation - the pain. Remind me to breathe.

There is a health situation at home. Someone near to my partner is having a difficult time and the future is unknown. I would like to use this experience to explore surrender so that I can carry it into my healing work. I am open to experiencing emotional release as I fall into acceptance of what is through your strokes. I encourage you to use my request as a suggestion only, as the greatest gift you could give to me would be to feel your power thoroughly. Unleash yourself. I can take whatever you see fit to give.

Ejaculation

I let myself ejaculate during yesterday's orgasmic yoga practice. It's hard to maintain the feeling of being in love with yourself. It's easy to fall back into unconsciousness where the only goal is physical pleasure.

Yesterday, I loved myself physically. It was my joy to give myself pleasure. Near the end, I was telling the mirror to "open your heart to me." I realized in that moment that I had the capacity to be in love with myself. I felt that deep desire within my heart to be completely connected with myself. I opened my heart, poured my love out on myself, and ejaculated.

Find other Orgasmic Yoga sessions here.

Orgasmic relaxation

This mornings Orgasmic Yoga practice lead directly to the insights in today's blog post: http://blog.rexharley.com/2011/09/living-through-body.html

This morning's Orgasmic Yoga was not broadcast on the web cam. My intention was to relax. I have a lot of tension in my right side - my neck and shoulder. My practice has a slower, less rushed pace. I was intentionally relaxing my neck and shoulder as I rubbed my penis.

There were times when I would become excited - and erotically tense. I would then breathe, slow down, and relax into the sensations. I found myself experiencing more pleasure without tripping over ejaculation.

There's a sensation that I can't describe. It comes up as ejaculation begins, like a pleasurable tingling - deep inside. Today, I felt as though I was able to dip down into that sensation and pull out a handful - allowing my whole body to experience it, but without ejaculating. I will try those relaxation sessions more often.

Find other Orgasmic Yoga sessions here.