I had a great orgasmic yoga session today. Not very emotional, but very pleasurable. My intention today was healing. I did erotic self massage.
After my heart pleasuring kegels, I laid back on the chaise and began massaging myself with oil. After becoming aroused, I inserted an aneros stimulator in my anus and continued massaging. If you're not familiar, the aneros stimulator is a small plastic device designed to rest against the prostate. It's shape allows it to be moved through anal muscle contractions. Ideally, these contractions can be caused by the stimulation spontaneously, which in turn causes more contractions and stimulation.
Anyway, using this device provided feedback on my level of stimulation. I could more easily feel contractions that warned of a build up to ejaculation. This allowed me to provide stimulation to my penis and not provide so much as to ejaculation When I felt close, I switched to another lighter stimulation and continued. I felt the flush of orgasm again, but I still want more.
I was so pleased with this, that I continued past the limit of my yoga session. I found it to be worth it.
In future sessions, I want to involve my heart and emotions more. I want a greater sensation of love and peace. I want to focus my love on healing the world - beginning with myself.
12/14/2010 - Tuesday - Session 34
Today, I did erotic trance dancing. My intention was to be more aware of my emotions.
I danced and did my breathing. I inserted an aneros stimulator in my anus and gripped it. It was difficult. I'm not sure if it was because my muscles were relaxed, or because my contractions were pushing it out. I enjoyed it.
I'm still having difficulty clearing my midn. It's natural, but I keep thinking and having trouble staying present. I think it will involve more practice.
After my big draw, I thought about my intention. I began saying to msyelf “I surrender” as a mantra. I tried to be aware of my feelings. It came to me, “I dont' know what I'm doing.” Maybe that doesn't sound good, but I loved it. How freeing. There is a truth to it, even though I know many things and have strong skills. At any given moment, I am practicing new behaviors and doing things I've never done before. I've never made a living as a sacred intimate before. I'm laying on the floor in the temple, looking at the walls. I'm on a new path. I don't know what I'm doing. It's OK for me to make mistakes as I move forward. I will find my way.
12/15/2010 - Wednesday - Session 35
I did erotic self massage and my intention was surrender.
The first part of learning to release thoughts is to become aware when they are taking you out of the present moment. I was able to do that today. I used my aneros again. It's an excellent tool for releasing pleasure from the anus and rectum. I felt somewhat orgasmic several times and enjoyed manipulating the stimulation through muscle control.
I felt myself getting tense in my neck and shoulders several times. Then I would try to surrender and relax into the moment.
Eventually I pulled out the vibrator. With the aneros stimulator still in my anus, I vibrated the bone above my penis, and my heart. I was moaning and groaning with pleasure. I noticed I wasn't breathing freely and that I was tense. When I did, I tried to relax and accept the pleasure.
Several times, I felt my penis tingling as it does before ejaculation. I tried to continue the stimulation to keep the tingling going without ejaculating. I was having a wonderful time, but I was tense again and not breathing freely. It's wonderful to abandon yourself to the sensations, but my intention has been to be more conscious and aware. In this way, I can experience continuous sensation (tingling) for a longer time. That, I think, can lead to ejaculation-less orgasms - where I feel flushed and ecstatic.
I put the vibrator between my legs and clenched at it. I was feeling fantastic tingling pre-orgasm feelings. At some point, I began ejaculating - but it was worth it. There were contractions within contractions and the aneros was tickling my anal sphincter.
As I relaxed, I felt happy and fulfilled. It was during this time that I recognized how thinking and forgetting to be conscious (leading to muscle contractions) took me out of the meditative state of awareness. This is my practice for now.
12/16/2010 - Thursday - Session 36
I did erotic trance dancing. My intention was surrender.
I didn't focus as much on getting an erection today. I focused on the sensation of my touch. I kept one hand near my penis and ran my other hand over my body - focusing on pleasure.
The nice thing is that as I was building up to my big draw, I surrendered... to myself. It's another of those “hard to explain” things. I was giving myself pleasure and surrendering to it. I particularly liked the feel of my inner thighs. I smiled as I surrendered to my self-love.
I rewarded myself with a little orgasmic implosion semen.
12/17/2010 - Friday - Session 37
I did erotic self massage today. My intention was to surrender.
I surrendered to my touch. I surrendered to the sensations. I used the aneros again. It really helps me focus on what my kegel muscles are doing. I was able to experience some extremely sustained erotic pleasure.
I also recognized that I do know what I'm doing. I know how to love myself with pleasure. I know how touching more than just my genitals gives me joy. I know how breathing and conscious touch can provide me ecstatic pleasure. All of this when I surrender to my inner wisdom; when I trust that the deeper part of my knows what I need.
I unintentionally ejaculated after my big draw while I was trying to push out some semen. It's always amazing now because I almost always have multiple orgasms during my ejaculation. Very surprising.
12/18/2010 - Saturday - Session 38
I did erotic trance dancing today. Again, my intention was surrender.
I'm more able to arouse the sexual energy when I trust that there's a part of me that knows what it's doing. It seems obvious that I should know what feels good and pleasurable. But that doesn't come through when I'm busy trying to figure out how to get the energy to flow. I have to get myself to stop trying and just listen for the still small voice within that just knows what works.
If you were paying attention, yes, I did just say God was within me. This infinite diving knowledge makes hir: (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender-neutral_pronoun) home within us and is available when we slow down and listen. But that's just my opinion.
At one point, I recognized that the body I was pleasuring was God's body. How very sacred to give pleasure to the body of God, the physical manifestation of God. How powerful to be permitted and directed to give pleasure to this body.
Find other Orgasmic Yoga sessions here.