Adults Only

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Camp DC

This is a journal entry from Saturday 4/27/13

I'm at camp DC. I see people playing at two campsites. The compound is deserted. I'm writing this at the compound. I'm wearing a cock ring and ball stretcher, a yellow jock strap, my chain harness and of course my boots and socks.

I'm trying to open myself to whatever happens today even if nothing happens. The bath tub has tree leaves and needles in it, so it may not be high on the list for people to use for piss play. I'm going to quiet my mind and see what I can see.

This is a journal entry from Sunday 4/28/13

The weekend went pretty well from a passive point of view. I saw a wonderful healing flogging that was a pleasure to watch. I didn't get tied up or beat on, though. I was still very quiet and constrained. I don't feel established in this community yet.

I tried to make myself available, but I didn't ask anyone to do anything in particular. I wanted to be pissed on yesterday, but I didn't ask anyone and I wasn't aggressive in getting in front of anyone. I'm not sure what else I wanted.

When I used to go to the baths, I was good at knowing when the energy was high. I was good at being the spark that set everything going. These days, the energy level never rises – or at least I don't sense it anymore.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Erotic Massage Dancing

I'm wrapping up another assignment from my Yoga of Sex course. In this one, I practiced breathing and moving on a massage table as I received stimulating genital touch. This is a step that you must take before giving others what you first learn to receive. Now I'm better equipped at helping others experience this since I've experienced it.

First, I am posting the written part of my assignment here. Following this, I am re-printing the thank you notes that I sent out. Contact me if you would like to receive the massage that I am describing.

Assignment 5:

From Wednesday 8/29/2012 through Monday 9/3, I received touch during five erotic massage dances from five different men. I noticed that each experience was better than the last, and each was different. I attribute the improvement to learning to surrender more completely to the pleasure and letting go of my rational thoughts.

At first, the breathing patterns and movements seemed so practiced and non-spontaneous. But the last day, they were completely natural. At first, I would be distracted by thoughts. Later, I was able to let go of my thoughts and experience a dynamic erotic ecstatic meditation.

What happened in my body? Energy flowed. Everything tingled. At times, I was too ecstatic to think, and I felt peace. At least once, I felt like I had a five minute orgasm, but never ejaculated. At first it was not easy to remain conscious and dance, but it became effortless. I suspect I will need to continue this practice in order to remain open.

I've never done anything like this before. I discovered that I am part of an erotic community. I reached out to my brothers and they selflessly came to my aid. I have been overwhelmed by Body Electric intensives where a week of intimate contact forms a heart centered community. Now I find that I live in such a community. This is new to me.

In time, I hope to facilitate others in my community to experience this dance. This assignment gives you permission to make noise and dance by making it a requirement. I'm convinced that I moved in ways that were more natural. We are taught to be quiet during sex, if we have sex at all. Break free of the fear of looking foolish during this exercise by making noise and moving your body with abandon. Embarrassment and shame fall away as you embrace the ecstasy. Surrendering to the ecstasy takes you beyond thought into the present moment.

First Day:

Hi AAA,

Thank you for helping me with my homework last night. I appreciate your willingness to be of service and my willingness to be vulnerable. In my first experiment, I learned a new “pleasure spot” which lies on my scrotum. I knew how pleasurable it is to play with my balls, but this was different – having a very erotic feel. I have learned through my studies that scrotal tissue is analogous to the female labia and that this is very sensitive in the female anatomy. This leads me to believe that the erotic sensation I experienced were very feminine.

I also have a new perspective on the assignment. While the instructions seem very mechanical, I can see the ultimate goal is complete abandon. I am learning a new behavior which is somewhat awkward and forced, but it will be second nature soon.

Last, I recognize my self consciousness regarding having an erection. I love my erection and am concerned that if I lose my erection, then my partner will feel hurt. I've noticed this in 3 Circles during my own touch. I feel the need to have an erection. I became self conscious if it isn't there. I know that my concern is my issue and that I don't have to project it on others. For now, I'm satisfied being aware of it.

Thanks again for working with me. I look forward to teaching this type of erotic dance to others and hope you will allow me to show you what I've learned.

Second Day:

Hi BBB,

Thanks for your touch last night. It means a lot to me that you made yourself of service to me. I feel fortunate to have men like you in my life.

I feel that I was able to build on my experience from the previous night. I was much less bothered when I didn't have an erection, and I was more easily able to let myself embrace a sense of erotic abandon.

What was new for me this time was recognizing how this could be a style of meditation. Even when perceiving touch and breathing and moving, I found thoughts come up. They were things like remembering I forgot to have water available, wondering if you were keeping track of the time, being concerned about your back... I was mostly able to bring my attention back to my genitals and breathing and movement. I think that chasing the thoughts away is the ultimate goal of this exercise.

You asked if there was something I could wear to work to help me connect with my authentic self. I like to wear sexy underwear or my necklace, or pantyhose, or fishnet stockings. It's been a while, though. I'm thinking I want to find out how to integrate these aspects. I imaging being a conspirator. Maybe the real question is how to remain open-hearted at work. That's what I really love with the intensives. How can I communicate that I'm a sexy beast under the radar?

I hope you'll consider being available for my next assignment when I massage a man who is doing erotic massage dancing. I hope to encourage the different styles of breathing and movement and helping him keep his attention on his body in the present moment.

Third Day:

Hi CCC,

Thank you for helping me with my homework last night. I appreciate that you made yourself available and present for me.

I feel like my experiences the preceding two nights helped me prime for our time together. I have been able to progressively become more able to express and embody the pleasure I was experiencing. I was able to focus more on allowing my body to naturally respond to the pleasure I was feeling. I was able to release thoughts as they arose. I was able to enjoy my penis both when it was flaccid and when it was erect.

You seemed to be so intuitive about how to touch me. You weren't afraid to take me to my limits in the pleasure that I could endure without ejaculating. You helped me go higher than I have in the past. It was like S&M in that I was able to go further by accepting or going into the sensation. I would like to continue pushing that edge, especially since it is so physically demanding. It was wonderful.

Normally, I would have savored the experience without touch, but I especially loved the slow gentle caresses on my cock at the end. It was so sweet and delicious. Without the frenetic building of energy, the strokes on my cock were like the strumming of a harp. So peaceful and gentle as well as electric.

Thank you for our time together.

Fourth Day:

Hi DDD,

Thank you for your attentive touch. I would not have thought to have a movie night if not for your interest in my assignment. I appreciate your willingness to participate.

Each of my experiences has been different. Each of the men who have touched me has his own style and expectations. I have been the common denominator, but I have grown and learned from each experience – learning to more fully abandon myself to pleasure. This really is a practice. After such a brief time, my experience has deepened. I could only imagine what we could discover if we continued exploring, opening, and going deeper.

Something special happened during my time with you. I was able to more easily enter into the erotic meditation and let go of my distracting thoughts. I believe that had to do with my growth this week. Being free, I invited the idea of allowing my consciousness to contain both of us. I was the temple, and me, and you, and your touch. I suspect you picked up on that as you began mirroring my breath. In other circumstances, I would have found that to be distracting, but it fed into my sense of our oneness. We were one breath together.

I began to sense that watching my arousal aroused you. This allowed me to feel free to express my pleasure more freely, knowing that this pleased you and raised your energy. And then I began to feel such pleasure even though you were not focused on my penis.

While you pulled my balls and touched my pubic bone and vibrated my genitals – the erotic orgasmic waters washed over me. I had never ending cascades of pleasure throughout my body. I went deeply since there was no risk of ejaculation. I was in ecstasy for a long while. I continued to twitch with every touch.

Thank you for loving me and letting me love you.

Fifth Day:

Dear EEE,

Thank you for helping me with my homework. I wanted you to be the finale for this series of exercises. I'm glad I did.

I've been more able to let myself go with each erotic massage dance. The breathing and movement that I thought so much about earlier is more spontaneous. You quickly took me to a feeling of ecstasy for the whole massage. I especially enjoyed being touched by you because I always feel aroused by you. The thought of you touching me is always exciting. Plus you know how to touch me like no one else on Earth.

I made more sound with you than with anyone else. My erotic energy is flowing so easily right now. I love you so much. I love that we give each other freedom, and that freedom leads us back to each other. I'm glad you let me into your life. I love that seeing me in ecstasy made you feel aroused. That fed me spiritually, because I felt more connected with you.

Thank you for letting me look into your eyes as I ejaculated. I love that type of vulnerability. It let me feel an emotional romantic connection with you. To be seen when I ejaculate, to see someone looking deeply into my eyes and smile as I cross the threshold into full release is probably the most intimate and loving thing I can experience. I love that you know what I wanted and needed.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Coccygeal Sacred Intimacy

A few weeks ago, I went to see a Sacred Intimate. I had earlier heard him talk about a coccygeal massage that cause some men to have emotional reactions. Since the way to massage the coccygeal muscle is through the anus, I was more than intrigued.

Since he was on the other side of town, I got there early and waited for my appointment. I went in and we talked about what I wanted to experience. I was trying to unleash my emotions. I'm often not aware of having them. I tend to have to figure out what I”m feeling from the context of my life.

I got up on his table face down so that we could begin with an Esalen style massage which is known for it's long strokes. I particularly liked when he straddled my head to massage my back. I got to feel his balls on the back of my neck and his taint on the back of my head.

He had me roll over and massaged my front. I let myself vocalize the pleasure I was feeling as I surrendered to it. I also began thinking about a story he had recently shared in his blog. It triggered my experience as a child when I was ridiculed for kissing another boy in the first grade.

At some point, he began the coccygeal massage. I don't recall if I was on my knees to begin with, but I remember being on my back. He tied something around my balls and it made me feel bigger. He took his time entering me as I continued relaxing into his delicious touch. I remember feelings of being stretched and of pressure and of feeling full.

I wanted to tell him how I felt I lost a part of myself when I kissed my friend in first grade. I still felt the reflection of his intimate story. He worked on my ass for a while and I was in heaven and full of compassion. Near the end, he allowed me to focus on the touch of my coccygeal nerve. As he shifted his position, he came upon a certain spot and I felt my body fill with warm energy. I felt like giggling. I wished it could last longer, but things came to a close.

When I stood up, I embraced him and told him how I reacted emotionally to his story. How it brought up my pain from the distant past. I cried at both of us having lost part of ourselves long ago and in gratitude that we were reclaiming ourselves. I told him he was loved. I meant it. I still do.

Pics from I Kissed A Boy in First Grade

I read one of my stories at a recent retreat. Here are a few pics of me standing in front of a room full of men naked telling a very vulnerable story. It was very powerful and healing for me to be heard and seen and loved and appreciated.

First Experiment

I am playing with the idea of raising erotic energy and directing it creatively to create my prosperity in a more authentic way so that I don't have to go around for forty hours a week or more pretending that the most favorite part of myself doesn't exist. So I've created this image to use in my temple. It has a picture of me at my day job in one quadrant, and it has a picture of me playing with myself in front of the camera in the opposite quadrant. I want to create a world where both can exist safely and peacefully in harmony.

Duality

I then went out and bought an easel pad/flip chart. When I do my orgasmic yoga practice, I can draw on it with magic markers or paint on it. Here's the first outcome

First Artwork

As I was self-pleasuring (masturbating) over the duality picture above and looking at my artwork, I wrote a little note of gratitude to the man in the upper left hand corner. Here's what it says.

Love Letter

I have much more respect and love for that part of myself that supports the flight of my erotic heart. He puts up with dissatisfaction at work so that I can find happiness and love elsewhere. My goal is to find a way for him to not have to fight so hard or to hide himself quite so much.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Midnight Sacrifice

I made a sacrifice at the giant penis in the fire pit at Easton Mountain last Saturday night. I arrived around midnight. It had been raining and the grass was wet and my shoes were soaked. I put down my umbrella and tucked my sarong inside it. I was now naked to the lukewarm moist air.

I began moving around the circle, touching myself. I could hear men's voices in the distance, bu I was alone with the giant charred black wooden lingam. I was raising my erotic energy slowly, feeling the pleasure wash over me. I hoped someone would come out of the shadows o celebrate with me, but this was meant to be a solo endeavor.

My intention was to reconcile how I made a living with my identity as a Sacred Intimate. I wanted to send a packet of energy off o the universe – a seed to return my heart's desire to be authentic in my daily life. I thought about hat as I stroked my cock and fondled my ass cheeks in the jeweled wet grass.

I came close to the giant phallus, sniffing I, touching my forehead to it's head. It was hard and powerful. I imagined sitting on it, even though it was bigger than my whole body.

After thirty or forty minutes, I was getting tired, so I began bringing myself slowly to the point of ejaculation, of orgasm. My cock got harder and harder – impossibly hard as I huddled close to the giant cock in the fire pit. I put the had of my dick close to it and gently took myself to the edge of ejaculation. I release my dick and the first wave of semen gently began pressing out of me – seeking the giant cock. My um oozed out and flowed down it's back.

I then gave myself some more stimulation, gently. This time I didn't let go. The second wave of cum shot out of my dick as my ass had spasms of pleasure. I poured myself on his back. The contractions were so intense after three weeks of building up that they were almost uncomfortable.

I savored the sensation as my body gently found it's equilibrium again. I bowed in deep reference and gratitude in the direction of the phallus. I put my sarong back on and quietly left.

Wow!