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Saturday, October 29, 2016

(NSFW) Oral Ecstasy - Fiction

I imagine a hard cock in my mouth. The skin is soft as silk, but it wraps an iron core. My lips on the head of the shaft, sliding down over the head, down the slick shaft until the head touches the back of my throat. He groans in pleasure as I pull my mouth back up so the lips are again resting on the head.


As my mouth again starts back down the shaft of his cock, I wrap my tongue around it, sliding the rough texture of my tongue along his shaft. It doesn't take long before I feel his hips start to sway front-to-back in a slow thrusting motion. I match his frequency. He speeds up a little bit and I keep pace. He never really goes very fast. It doesn't matter. With each thrust of his cock head to the back of my throat, the muscles around his prostate tense and release. This is my objective for getting him to shoot his salty sperm filled semen down my throat. His groans become more rhythmic, his ass contracts, my mouth slides down the shaft and we repeat. I am ecstatic at the pleasure he experiences with me. My cock is throbbing, too.

He keeps pushing in and out of my mouth as I suck in sync with his thrust. His whole body is involved in this rhythm now. It is his frequency. This is the key to pushing him over the edge. With each stroke, his cock goes a little further down my throat. I know he is getting close. I breath deeply between his strokes as I prepare myself for the final thrust. He gets louder and louder before shouting in ecstasy as he grabs my head and shoves his cock deep down my throat until my nose is on his belly. I feel his cock throb as he pours his cum, is sperm, his jizz down my throat and into my belly. His strokes are shorter now as he stays buried deep and feels my throat swallow the last drips of his essence.


My sense of fulfillment goes deep. He pulls out of my throat and mouth, this orifice of ecstatic pleasure. My breath comes forcefully as I quickly return to my normal breathing pattern, his cum an offering to my stomach. I haven't cum yet, but the head of my cock lays in a puddle of my own seminal fluid, my own pre-cum.

He  gets on his knees to join me and hugs me deeply, kissing me, thrusting his tongue in my mouth as he tastes his own nut juices on my tongue. I begin to have an orgasm at the thought. My body shivers, my body tenses. I still don't ejaculate, but the orgasm is deeply fulfilling and powerful. Tomorrow we will reverse the ritual as he tickles the cum out of my prostate.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Community

So, I'll go back to my passion of living in community with other sacred sex workers, other free men and women. The templates I have are monastery, Easton Mountain, and maybe the Phoenix Temple. I'd like a space to stimulate residents creativity to build community and help heal the world.

The underlying idea is not to withdraw from the world, but to being a source of healing. So here are some ideas:
  • Build a ritual space/temple
  • Build small studios for sessions offered by residents who are Sacred Intimates, massage therapists, and sex workers.
  • Build "tiny houses" with a kitchenette, bathroom, bedroom, and living space for residents.
  • Build a shared kitchen/dining area for residents to share meals
  • Build gang showers, bath facilities
  • Space for farming/gardening.
  • Build a space we can rent to groups like Body Electric, or that we can use to host healing events and gatherings: Cooking, dining, rooms, gathering places...

Everyone joining us needs to pull their weight – cooking meals, cleaning, maintaining the grounds... Everyone serves. Allow for volunteers.

I'm not sure how a community ritual space/dining facility will overlap when outside groups host events. Participants need their own containers. Residents need full access.

I'd like to find a place in central Texas (or some other temperate region with water). It should be near an urban area so that our SI workers can work. It should be close to an urban area that out-of-town visitors can experience the city. It would ideally be convenient to the airport so that out-of-town visitors have easy access.

I don't know if a group buys land first and builds, or if an existing space exists that can be converted.

If you have any ideas, leave a message below or on FaceBook:  Rex Harley on FaceBook

Older posts on Community:


Saturday, January 30, 2016

Bottoms are selfish

I caught myself saying that "bottoms are selfish." I shouldn't generalize us. As a bottom, I am selfish. I'm focused on my delight at being used as a sexual object. Seeing my top turned on turns me on, so it's a selfishness that serves him well.



I love being told what to do in bed. I love my top being in charge. I'll tell you if I don't want to do something or if it hurts. And I delight when my top cares enough about me to find out my kink and encourage me to explore it with him. That's one reason I would be a good sex worker. Tell me what you want. Let me satisfy your desire. I can bottom deeply enough to be a top for a bottom. Accepting money would give my John permission to ask for what he wants, which would turn me on, which would turn him on and give him permission to surrender more to his desire.

Sacred Intimacy takes more effort because I need to look for the desire behind the desire. What desire is my client trying to satiate that he's afraid to ask for directly? That he's afraid to know he wants? For me to truly help a client, he needs to be able to be vulnerable with me. It may (probably does) take multiple visits to gain my clients trust enough to be vulnerable. 1) Will I keep his secret? 2) Can I take the force of his secret without being hurt? 3) Can I avoid being swallowed up by something that feels like a deep pit in my client? All I can say is that my sessions are confidential. I will not share what I hear as long as he is not a threat to himself or others. I cannot help someone who is suicidal by myself. But I am not afraid of strong emotions. I will not collapse under their weight. You are safe to let me see you cry. I will not tell you what to do or how to fix it, but I will stand with you as you face your demon. I've got your back and I will not break. I know how to be soft.

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Courage

I want to write an algorithm to draw money to myself so that I can use that money to benefit others, to fulfill my mission of freeing people from shame of their animals, to become stewards of each other and of life on Earth.

That's the key. People in charge do not seem invested in the common good. Not all people are selfish, but there are people who act selfishly. There are people who will not be free out of fear. I want to the courage to live free.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Attitude

I must care for my attitude. I can reiterate my beliefs. I can focus on Truth:
  • I am right where I'm supposed to be, where I need to be.
  • I don't have to wrestle with life, but I can let it flow.
  • Everything is perfect just the way it is, despite appearances.
  • I allow myself to live in a state of grace, aware of my blessings.

What does my life look like in the best possible light:
  • I am loved.
  • My level of income lets me live in a style that I like.
  • All my desires are fulfilled.
  • I am very competent and highly skilled
  • I pursue solutions until I find them
  • There is nothing beyond my reach


Monday, December 29, 2014

Your Life's Calling: What I've learned so far

The format of this blog is changing. In the recent past, I have been posting journal entries directly to the blog. I have been told that others might get something out of seeing my process. I use my journal to explore my thoughts and feelings. I look at where I am blocked or unhappy. I ask questions that arise and try to answer them. I've decided to move forward from that and begin posting more coherent entries.

This post explores the simple idea of your life's calling. This seems like a good topic as we approach the new year, although I don't like setting this time apart as if it was literally an ending and beginning. That, to me, feels like such an artificial construct. In fact, this topic has weighed on me for the  past five years, if not much longer.

When I first explored this idea in my senior year of high school, it was manifesting as how I would earn money. I had grown up with the archetype of the Star Trek universe. I saw myself as an analytical support for an emotionally intuitive hero: Spock for Kirk. Looking back, part of the allure was being in control of my emotions which were so chaotic during my childhood. Today, I understand that my attraction to that archetype as important. It may yet hold the key to my life's mission.

There were some problems in searching for my life's purpose. First is that I was confusing it with a career. How do I make money from my purpose? I took that question and added my love for Spock and ended up with a push into physics. A funny thing happened on the way and I delved into consciousness expanding drugs. I don't know if I ever had a chance at a physics degree, but I had trouble with the math. I could never find a vision of a physics degree that filled me with passion. Nothing took me in the direction of being Spock.

The foray did teach me how to think critically, and I picked up software programming relatively easily. I still feel I have a decent understanding of how the physical universe works. And it provided an income that allows me to pay off the debts of my earlier years.

My understanding of my mission has changed. I recognized how much I enjoyed sex and how shamelessly I experienced it as a gay man. It took me some time to share my sexual orientation with my family. I still have shame to overcome in the broader culture, but I feel further ahead than so many people I've encountered. I toyed with the idea of doing porn and being a sex worker. My sense of freedom to pursue that has only come to fulfillment after I passed midlife. I am now 49 and feel I have more to offer. Without cultural support, I could not have been prepared any earlier. Even if I had, I would not have the financial stability that gives me that freedom today. That would be a worthy goal of support in itself – giving young adults who share this calling to serve as sex workers safely while furthering their education and long term prosperity.

My new sense of purpose and mission is far beyond the idea of career. Now it's focused on sacrificing everything to fulfill my mission. It's not how I can make money from it, but how can I most effectively spend money and energy on it. That is a new concept and hard to anchor in western culture. My mission statement has been getting more clear since I started trying to phrase it. I'm looking for a form that is stable and unchanging, although the way it manifests may change. My mission is to contribute to the survival of life on Earth by giving people permission, understanding, and serving.

From my perspective, the key to getting at your purpose is to spend time thinking about it regularly. When you're ready, write it down. If it doesn't feel right later, revise it. Look for the version that is unchanging. There are plenty of books about finding your life's purpose. Consider working with a life coach or a therapist. Don't consider money. What you've done for a living is a clue, but also what feeds your passion. What fills you with passion? Keep looking for that. It's important.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Time (again), Priorities and Progress: October Journaling

 I've updated my website. Please take a look and let me know what you think http://rexharley.com:
http://rexharley.com


This is a journal entry from Thursday 10/2/14

I would like to change my attitude. There's no reason not to feel good on a regular basis. I have a lot of control over my experience. I'm not trapped at my desk at work. I'm not doing anything that makes me feel remorse.

I want to make a fundamental change, but why? What will I look like when I do? I am free. I step more and more deeply into my freedom regularly. That counts for something.



This is a journal entry from Saturday 10/4/14 

I'm looking at my priorities. It seems to build my SI business, I should become a certified massage therapist. But before I finished that, I wanted my Sexological Bodywork Training. I had put that on hold to focus on my relationship. It's easy to see how those things cascade.

Part of my vision statement is to complete my training. I was specifically thinking about Sexological Bodywork Training, there. What are my real priorities? My relationship. My practice. My prosperity.



This is a journal entry from Thursday 10/9/14 

What's important to me? It's becoming more important to not feel rushed. I'm tired of having too much to do. Since I create my reality, I'm responsible for that. A human lifetime seems so short. I want to do so much that I hate to do anything.

One time, it might have been fun to be paid for sex. Working in software has been fun, too. A video game has so many constraints and limitations, but writing actual software is very unlimited. It is a creative process, but it's not treated like art. It's treated like an engineering project.

What is important?

My partner is important. Sign language is important because of my partner. Prosperity is important because of the freedom it offers. Overcoming my fears and shames is important because of the freedom it offers. My spiritual practice is important because of the freedom it offers. What is mine to give to the world? What am I here to express? Expressing myself is important because I fear it. It makes me vulnerable. I must be vulnerable in a world where that is not safe.



This is a journal entry from Saturday 10/11/14

Palm Springs - Healthy Friction 

I'm feeling a little off today. Yesterday, too. Maybe it was the poppers.

One of the nice things about this event is that everyone has permission for self pleasure. It's a short leap to pleasure someone else or to be pleasured. With all the erections, it feels like I need to have one to keep up. How many are supported by Viagra/Cialis? I like to raise my energy and accept my penis without an erection. I haven't been feeling fully at ease. I would like to know what that's teaching me. Maybe it's because I came twice yesterday.

I sense that I want to simplify my life more, but that's so I won't feel so rushed. I don't know. I have glimpsed the magic of the world I live in, how the world I experience is within me. I want more of that world of magic. So simplifying may not be my real goal. The real goal is to step into my power.

There's a sense that I get busy going from one thing to the next, that I'm always on. That's what I want to turn off. I don't want to feel like I'm too busy to live. So how do I step into my power and stop doing?



This is a journal entry from Sunday 10/12/14 

Yes, I want some ritual in my life. I also want to release the feeling I'm always doing something that takes me away from what I want/need to be doing. I want to tie into myself better. What I want to do is to live my life so that when the day is over, I don't feel that I ran out of time before getting to what I wanted to do. I don't want to feel like I'm missing my life.

Chop wood. Carry water.

One factor is second guessing myself, deciding to do whatever I do and then regretting what I didn't do. Did I choose to do the right thing?

I feel like I'm trying to guess what I want to do. What I need to do. Like I don't actually know. I'm getting to know myself.

I feel like I want to work for myself, like I'm tired of working for someone else. Like working for someone else is taking me away from my mission, even if working for someone else gives me resources to do things I want to do.

 I feel that there is a way to be where everything flows and my will is the Universal will. How do I find where that is?



This is a journal entry from Saturday 10/18/14

I'm still very angry. I always get angry when someone get's angry with me. Maybe not always, but it is a pattern. I suppose the details aren't important. I was teasing a friend. Apparently it was bothering him more than I realized. He was perceiving something that I don't believe was true and was not in keeping my personality. I want to lash out, but I'll wait until I am in a more loving space.

Last night, I had some very erotic dreams. I remember sucking on a dildo covered in Crisco. I remember feeling acceptance when I expected judgment.



This is a journal entry from Monday 10/21/14 

I've been feeling bitter. I feel trapped. Someone I thought was a friend hurt me. There is pressure at work.

At the same time, I must recognize that I am creating this. I've seen others maintain good attitudes in difficult situations. My attitude is off. When my attitude is right, my life falls into place.



This is a journal entry from Friday 10/24/14 

I've been touching myself a lot this week. I don't think I've ejaculated since 10/13 - 12 days ago. I've done some meditating almost every morning. When I start self-pleasuring, I don't want to stop. I get so so hard. I love it.

Healing my relationship with time is my focus. I need to stop giving myself so much to do that I am perpetually frustrated. But there's so much I want to do. What do I really want to do and what do other people want me to do that I think are my desires? How much does shame drive my need to do more? How do I live in the moment? My energy is dissipated when I live over a span of time instead of in the moment.

And finally, I need to clear with someone who hurt me who thinks I hurt him. I can't do that from anger.



This is a journal entry from Saturday 10/25/14

Today, we will do more work on the St. Andrew's Cross. Maybe I'll get more things off my to do list.

My intention remains to heal my relationship with time. I need to understand what that means. 1) at work, I feel that I'm being kept from doing the things important to me - living my mission. 2) In general, I feel like there are too many things to do that keep me from getting to what I really want to do.

Maybe if I can figure out what I'm not getting, I can start to make room for it.



This is a journal entry from Thursday 10/30/14 

I need to make time to be timeless. I need time to sit and be aware of the eternal nature of time, to break free of the cells of time - like hours, days, and weeks. Awareness of time is great for planning and connecting, but it's no way to live.